People Magnets

So, I just finished reading all I want to from a book called "How to be a People Magnet - How to Find Friends and Lovers - and Keep Them for Life" by Leil Lowendes. I think that this book was partially what triggered my interest in watching how people act. I know that the work is definitely copyrighted and that I couldnt make random copies of it and try to sell it, but I thought that it would be beneficial for everyone involved if I pasted some quotes from it to the blog. And, after reading them, you'll never be able to approach social situations the same way. If you look for the things she talks about in normal every day encounters, you'll see it works. Most of it is common sense, but it's fun to read her interpretation.

Before People Magnets speak, they ask themselves,
“What is my listener thinking and feeling right now?”
Then, whenever appropriate, they speak from their
listener’s perspective. For People Magnets (PMs), scowls
turn to smiles, dullness turns to delight, and no turns
to yes!

As they go throughout their day, People Magnets
miraculously transform nonpeople into VIPs with an
extra moment of eye contact. They give the painter an
extra pulse of the peepers. They give the seamstress an
extra shot of the shutters. In an eye blink, they alter the
encounter from ordinary business-as-usual into a special
one. At the end of the day, the twinkles in their smiling
eyes will probably have added up to less than one
minute. But it makes a world of difference in how
people respond to Pms.

When People Magnets say “thank-you,” they give the
pleasure that the word intends by explaining why they
are thankful. They give every thank-you a little
padding. Big smiles are always the PMs reward.
It is transitory, yet it contains the potency of an
embrace. It is ephemeral, yet it invokes strong
subconscious emotions. People Magnets use the trifling
touch tastefully and judiciously to create a subconscious
excitement between them and the people they touch.
Fifty percent is visual, 30 percent is
sound, and only 20 percent comes from someone’s actual words.
Reply first to the body language, then to the sound of their voice, then lastly to their words.

People Magnets listen with their hearts by watching
people carefully to see how they feel about what they
are saying. PMs listen to their gestures, listen to their
fidgeting, listen to their skin flushing, listen to their eye
contact, and listen to everything else they can see about
the person who is talking.

You don’t need to go around posing all over the place or
you’ll look like just that, a posie. But you do need to
start paying attention to how you move. Strong
masculine movements are in. Have a good stride.
Courteous movements are in. Stand up when she comes
back from the ladies room to the restaurant table.
Protective movements are in. Offer the lady your arm
when you cross the street. Loving movements are in.
Straighten her collar or adjust her hair after putting her
coat on.

Clause #17:
React Faster, Answer Vaster
I’ll practice the “winners’ ” conversational style:
1. keeping the energy level up by not allowing long
pauses,
2. talking longer or giving longer answers to
questions, and
3. throwing the conversational ball back to the
other person by asking a question.

The secret lies in the questions we ask ourselves. Your
brain is a colossal computer. You ask it a question, it
will find an answer. If it doesn’t find an obvious one, it
keeps searching and searching and searching—even if
it has to go back to when you were two years old. Still
no answer? Well, the brain is so determined, it will give
you an answer, even if it’s the wrong one. To have total
control over their minds, PMs learn how to ask the
right questions.

Or keeps you on track with your dreams when you falter, or
believes in you when you’ve ceased to believe in yourself. “A friend
is someone who knows the song in your heart and can sing it back
to you when you have forgotten the words.”

People Magnets know if they want dynamic friends
drawn to them, they must keep growing. When people
become too predictable, boredom sets in and the
relationship suffers.

To draw more friends and lovers to me (and/or be
a better friend and lover to those I have), I will
consciously grow my gifts in all areas—appearance,
knowledge, finances, personality, prestige, and, most
importantly, character.

I will open my eyes, look around, and find someone
way less cool than I am (or someone who is not as
accepted by my peers as I am). Then I will reach out
and genuinely befriend them. I’ll let some of my
stardust rub off on them.

Wow, there's a lot more quoted than what I thought. I just went through and whenever anything stuck out to me, I copied and pasted it. Pretty interesting, eh? Definitely some things to consider. It's interesting to me that a lot of the ways we are treated by others are conscious choices that we make for ourselves. And, it is also very interesting that a lot of how we feel is just our perception of other's actions that we usually over analyze.